If you have a messy car like mine always is, then it does have its advantages rather than just being a CSI style playground for microbes and food wrappers.
I practically live in my car, and its a proper comedians car. If you were a rather slow detective you could trace my month by the food wrappers and parking tickets left in the waste spaces (or as normal people call them Passenger seats)
Once a month i have a clean out of the car, this is normally when the Mrs has had enough and informs me that its disgusting and that it needs cleaned now, and if i can not muster up a proper defence then I am honour bound to do so.
However it does have its benefits in certain occasions for collecting vital evidence to stop life form pursuing you and grinding you against the wheels of oppression.
One such incident occurred last week, as after parking at a local Hospital and paying for my parking there a few days later I receive a letter giving me a £70.00 parking fine.
Off I scurry and find the golden ticket, nestled next to a empty Pepsi Max bottle in the back of the car. I pull the aforementioned ticket and low and behold I have paid and have proof.
So i scan a copy in and reply in the politest way possible by asking them what in the name of fucking fuck do they think they are playing at, while at the same time offering them help in mastering the skill of urinating up a rope at the same time.
The reply I got was fantastic
“Dear Sir / Madam,
We refer to the Parking Charge incurred at “Steffen’s Local Hospital” car park.
On this occasion as a gesture of goodwill we will be cancelling this charge.
However, if future visits to this car park are made please take note of the parking regulations on the signage throughout the car park and adhere to these, as it is applicable to all motorists using the car park.
Not sorry on this occasion, we made and error and apologies on our behalf.
Not “Woops! Close one mate; we will try better next time”
Nope a clear FUCK YOU, WE ARE YOUR MASTERS AND WE WILL DEFEAT YOU NEXT TIME AHHHHAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHA
Now this is clearly someone who does not want to admit defeat and try and act like they are still in charge and not in the wrong at all. But how can this be you ask, how can they feel so good about themselves that they can clearly not grasp a simple mistake by saying sorry.
Well after a quick online check on the company when you find they turned over almost 14 Million pounds last year, of which just over 4.4 Million pounds was profit, then you realize they have a large bank account filled with Fuck You money.
4.4 Million pound profit for a remote parking machine and some magic eye cameras?
I am clearly in the wrong game.
So the moral of this story is twofold.
1) Always hoard everything
2) Do not clean your car.
And that my friends is the long winded excuse with legally binding letters I will be using as an excuse when the Mrs asks me why the car is a mess again this weekend.